ImPerfect Blog

It's All Kinda Counterintuitive

 Pain is growth happening. Pain is weakness leaving your body. Pain lets us know when something is right and something is wrong. Pain is a gift.

The funny thing about pain is that as soon as you feel pain it its goes away. Stop your resistance to it. In other words, when you process the emotion, and feel whatever it is that you need to feel, then you are freed from the pain.

When you grow and you never have to feel that particular pain again. You may feel a different emotion you find painful, but that’s ok. If you are alive and living, you will have emotions and experiences and some will be painful. . . some will be joyful. There are highs and lows. That’s all part of living.

Today it seems our culture is all about happiness, quick fixes and an easy life, although most of us just numb ourselves out of really feeling anything, the good or the bad. And that leads to missing out on both the "great" and the "devastating".

I healed because I finally became willing to feel my pain. I dove into my pain. Once I realized that when I processed a painful emotion it was released, watch out, the floodgates opened and old pain came pouring down as I began to release as much old hurt as I could handle.

The funny thing about healing is sometimes its counterintuitive. I had lacked fun, joy and companionship in my marriage. The better part of 10 years I had relatively few friends, no one but my mom and husband to talk to on a regular basis. So when I divorced, I began making friends, enjoying laughter and sharing fun times.

The weirdest thing would happen sometimes as I drove home after a great night out. Lets say I had just spent a night laughing, sharing and having fun with friends, I would cry on the way home. Literally, I would weep as I drove home from this “FUN” time (I really did have a good time). The experience of joy created a space in me to be vulnerable to my emotion of hurt and lack.

In those moments, I began to process the emotions that I had hidden for years. I finally felt the longing I had for friends and connections and laughter and joy. These good times had brought up the pain, lack and sorrow I felt from the past. So I cried after a great night out. That’s what my healing looked like. 

It may sound strange but it worked for me (and now I don't cry after having fun anymore) .