ImPerfect Blog

I AM NOT A VICTIM

I am not a victim.

I have been abused.

I am not a victim.

I have been raped.

I am not a victim.

I have been cheated on.

I am not a victim.

I am not a victim.

I choose abuse.

It was not a conscious choice, not by any means. I was blind to the part of me that believed I was worthy of abuse. Yet on some level I thought I was worthless, so for my partner to confirm this feeling, felt somehow right and wrong at the same time.

I recognize now, that I could have left anytime. I always had a choice and for 10 years I stayed, firmly plated in soil that never served my highest good.

Or is that even true? It served me in that I am who I am today, because I experienced these things. So how can I say it was an experience that didn’t serve, me when it did in the bigger picture?

It’s the dance between my spiritual truth and my human experience. Where the truth of my spiritual growth was served by this devastating life experience and my humanity suffered greatly at the same time.

I have heard suffering defined as trying to control things that are not in your power. That was my experience of suffering. Trying to control all the outer aspects of life that were never under my domain. My inner life, My thoughts and actions, thats all I can truly control.

I finally aligned myself with my inner guidance, (infinite source, god, inner wisdom, inner voice, my heart) and my world changed dramatically. I found that I had regained all my power. I stood as a victim no more.

I have survived many experiences, but I am not a victim of those experiences.

I transformed each violation into something that served me. Each and every time I found a silver lining, a lesson, a blessing, even in the worst transgressions.

I was able to transform the devastation into dignity.

Dignity, your innate state of being worthy. worthy, not because of what you do. Worthy not because of who you know. Worthy not because of who pays you, or how much you make or what you do for a living or how successful your are or how big your house is. We are all worthy, just as we are, and for all we are not. we are worthy because we are here. We belong. We all belong. We all belong to each other. 

Lets begin dropping out need to control each other, and start controlling ourselves. It's called temperance.

Lets start holding each other up, and see the goodness in one another. It's called divine witnessing.

Lets attempt to see as god sees, good in everything, love everywhere, even when we don't understand it. Especially when it looks nothing like we expect it to look like. That's called faith.  

And if I look from a macro scope instead of a microscope I can see that it all turns into a blessing. And if its not a blessing, wait longer. 

It can be opposites existing at once. You need both sides of a coin, to have a coin. There is no penny with only a front and no back.

Perhaps its like that with life too. Love (god, infinite potential, the force, source, creation) is everything, no matter the appearance.

Blessed Abuse. Wicked Peace. The Dichotomy of Being.